Why I Do Not Have A Boyfriend

People around me are asking. People who I recently know of assumed I have or had. It's as if it's unbelievable to them that at 24 I never had a boyfriend. Well, yeah I never had one. The follow-up question "Why?" pops out. Here are the reasons. . . what I think are the reasons.

1. I never showed them that I am interested in them. I just live the life that consists of working, eating, sleeping, occasionally shopping but most of the time sleeping.

2. I look scary. "Intimidating" to other people's vocabulary.

3. The general vibe I exude is polarizing. Maybe I am not a consistent person. Normal on the outside, crazy on the inside.

4. Guys don't find me interesting.

5. I just can't feel that "feeling", of being liked, being crushed on, being the center of attention of someone.

6. Not part of my "goals" list. I am not in a hurry and I am not even waiting for someone.

7. The thought of being with someone already suffocates me. I am used to doing things on my own. Why have someone who might differ in opinion?

8. The attention that someone gives me gives me shivers. I don't know. I am not sure. I just find it peculiar.

9. The fear. The fear of being fooled, played on, led on, heartbreak, crying over someone, parting ways and thinking if the once happy moments would happen again and how soon. I am afraid of what it might make with my ever less self-confidence.

10. The thought of giving someone your all and fail. I am the all or nothing type. But right now, I'd rather give nothing to protect myself from #9.

Trying to fall asleep and I write this. Good night.

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