A blog by Jacqueline Tabora

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"I fell for you."
It all started with that short, but a meaningful statement. I was not expecting it. I thought he was about to say his expression of gratitude for the years we have spent together as friends/acquaintances since I am about to leave and start somewhere better. But I heard those four words of confession.


"I restrained the feeling so that it would not go further."
I am glad he did. Because it was just wrong at that time. I told him I am thankful he did prevent himself from taking action for the brewing feeling he felt, and it was the best thing to do given the circumstances.


"I did nothing because you're ignoring me, and I know this feeling will fade eventually. I know you would not ever notice me and you're not going to understand what I felt for you. Besides, you are just taking it for granted."
At that time we were amidst a misunderstanding, and we rarely talk. Maybe he took the cue from that, that there was no hope, and it was just simply a fleeting feeling of love on his part. It was kind of true, though. I was preoccupied at that time. Men and love were not part of my plans. I even do not see it on my plate now.


"Can we still be friends?"
After his confession, I said, "No" in jest, and he retorted, "Then I'm gonna woo you." I was surprised by the retort, but it did make me laugh. I responded with "Yes, we can still be friends," not in a single moment that I hesitated to say we can still be.


"I waited for this day to tell you how I really feel. I thought I'd eventually forget about it and move on. But I felt it. I felt that this is the right time to tell you."
Two years. It took him two years to fess up. A change in the circumstances and our set up gave him a chance to be honest about himself and his feelings for me. A very innocuous event led him realizing that I was more than a friend to him, that there was "more".


"Whenever you're hurt, I felt the pain. I hated it when you overthink and worry and underestimate yourself. I can't do anything back then but to just give you tissues for your tears."
Ah, those convenience stores tissues. He always carries them in his pocket and gives it to me whenever I get sweaty or in tears. Funny how these small things carry a meaning to him. Should I be flattered when he said he has never done that to anybody but me?


"Manhid!"
No, I just did not assume anything. I just thought you were being nice and gentle and caring for me, just like as you are to anybody else.

~~~~~


Two days after his acknowledgment of what he felt for me, I bid my permanent goodbye. And it ended there. We do not see each other anymore, but that was a confession I did not see coming.

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