'You are not good enough': Bouncing back from shattered confidence

"You are not good enough."

No one wants to hear that. In whatever we do, working or studying, leading a project or competing in a sport or being in a relationship, we would not want to hear from somebody else that we are not good enough.

It is difficult to accept especially if the remark applies to something that you believe you are good at. It feels like it killed your confidence to the extreme. You lost trust over your own skills, and question even your past achievements. You try to analyze what went wrong---how you messed up, how come you did not see that you messed up, why you fvcked up, what you missed---and end up beating yourself for it.

The situation is controlled by you emotionally while affecting you mentally and eventually not having the strength to deal with it as well physically. The thought that you are not good enough eats you up and makes you feel hopeless and demotivated. As if you were blanketed by darkness and pessimism that you succumb to it instead of fighting it. 

But you have to fight. Fight the thought that you are not good enough, fight the thought that since you fvcked up once, you will do it again, fight the thought that you don't have anything anymore up on your sleeve to show others that "you can do things very well". 

It might take some time, but a few steps towards regaining your trust in yourself and what you are capable of doing is what it takes to solidly stand up and hold your head up high again.

1. Accept that you might have made a mistake, but do not beat yourself for it over and over. Of course, you will! Mistakes are bound to happen and no matter how much we try to avoid it, it will happen. 

2. Do not take someone's remark that you are not good enough 100% to heart and 100% to mind. Everybody does not have the same standards for what is good or what isn't. Consider what that person said and do an objective self-evaluation, yet don't jump into conclusion that he or she is right point by point for whatever reasons he/she says that you are not good enough.

3. Voice the thought out of your system. Whether to a friend or to a medium (like this blog), breathe it out. You need to unload your heart and mind of negative thoughts and leave it out of your system. Otherwise, the thought may consume you too much and may lead to worse things. 

4. Channel your energy in improving yourself. Be busy and improve yourself and your craft. Discover what else is out there that may help you hone your skills. 

5. There is a chance to be better. True or not that you messed up, always remember that as long as you are breathing, as long as you can still do things, there will always be an opportunity to be better, to prove and improve yourself and to correct whatever it is that you have made a mistake about.

Photo: "Berlin - I have low self-esteem" by Davis Staedtler is licensed under CC BY 2.0

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